Thursday, October 27, 2011

Educate Me

I'm not a teacher nor could I ever be a teacher, and for many reasons. Not the least of which are my dislike of children and a hyper-sensitive sense of smell. I also find it unendingly irritating to have to explain myself more than once. Like I said, many good reasons for not pursuing a career in education.

So while I in no way consider myself any sort of educator, I do feel that there are a few areas  in which those in the field should excel. Perhaps it's a bit bold of me to set my own standards for educators, but I think you may agree with me. For example, I personally feel that educators should have to prove spelling and grammar proficiency prior to being trusted with the growing minds of children. Crazy, I know, but my standards are high. I feel so passionately about this that I've taken the liberty to list a few specific examples:

*working knowledge and implementation of rules governing they're/their/there; to/too/two; you're/your
*ability to distinguish the difference betweens nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs
*knowledge of the parts of a sentence and the "job" of each part of the whole ie: how to put a fricking sentence together so it reads as it should
*a reading/comprehension level that exceeds that of your students, seriously

If you're nodding your head along with me, I'd hazard a guess that you've met a teacher or two who struggle with these challenging concepts. One of my favorite examples is the wide and wonderously tragic world of Facebook posts. Here's a tip to all of those Facebooking, blogging teachers: I read your posts. All of them. And then I know exactly where NOT to send my children for school. I'm a big advocate of alternative education settings and curriculums, but if you cannot read, nor spell, you have no business teaching anyone. Not even your own children. Especially not your own children. Mommy does NOT know best, in this instance.

I would love to say that I plan to homeschool my children but let's be real: I haven't the desire nor the capability to take their education into my own hands. I'm simply not equipped to provide them with what they need to move into life with the proper tools. I'm thankful for the two years that remain before I have to make the tough decision as to where and how my children will be educated. While I have no idea what "school" will mean for my children, you can bet your ass my first interview question will be: How would you use the word "your" in a sentence?

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