Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Dear high-efficiency, top-loader washing machine,

You are a miserable piece of shit. I cannot say as I've ever found a more useless piece of machinery in my life, and that includes the infamous vibrator from '02 with the missing on/off dial. But I digress... You sell yourself as the God of clean, eco-friendly cleansing but I object. In fact, I Strenuously Object. (A Few Good Men, anyone?)

I've washed a fair bit of laundry in my day and I have certain expectations, namely, clean clothing. I noticed the obvious ketchup stains on my daughter's white shirt and gave you a pass. Likewise for the (small, pea-sized) chunk of pink Play-Doh that had cemented my son's sleeves together. Now, the real problem for me came while folding a load of my infant son's clothes. The blind rage that accompanied the discovery of still-present baby drool complete with flecks of infant oatmeal nearly did me in. Are you fricking kidding me?! You can't handle drool and pureed oatmeal??? What the hell kind of WASHING machine are you? You're like the meteorologist of washing machines - wrong every time yet the masses stay faithful.

Big shot, name-brand washer/dryer set that cost upwards of $2000 and I'm ready to pull out a washboard and start using my bathtub. I'll say it again, miserable piece of shit.

Disgusted and wearing dirty, clean clothes,

1 comment:

  1. Hey Leah - so funny and I'm so curious what brand it is! Thanks for the tips...I'm starting to think my 25 year old, agitator, use way too much water, no-name washer is just fine and dandy. How annoying! They are feaking expensive and I know neither of us have a money tree.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    ps - using your 20/20 hindsight, would you have gone with a front loader?