Moniker Musings

I've been watching a healthy dose of Food Network lately, one of my favorite channels. And one of my favorite chefs on the network is Ina Garten, of Barefoot Contessa fame. I love watching her cook and her recipes inspire me to think about being rich and living in east Hampton with a home that necessitates a Staff. Her home and gardens are stunning and I'm fairly confident that someday, dinner with me will be the subject of one of her shows.

All that aside, I get truly preoccupied when I watch her show. My elementary-school maturity level comes bubbling to the surface, in tune with her pasta water and I can't help but wonder this: did kids call her Ina Vagina when she was in school? I got my fair share of Leah-Pee-a-Diarrhea and Leah-tard so I know how cruel kids can be. My other question is this: did her parents not consider Ina Vagina in naming her? I'm rather certain my parents couldn't be bothered to trouble themselves with such innane details while naming their fourth child, and yet another daughter at that.

And where did the vagina get its' name from? Did Dr. Vagina make the discovery, thus branding it forever with his name? And what came of his ancestors? I've never met a Vagina, but that's not to say they aren't around. Perhaps it's more of a western-United States, regional thing. What do you say, Oregon, Idaho? Maybe it's a European thing. I wouldn't put it past the Welsh or Irish to have a whole band of Vaginas scattered about, spreading their name and family ancestry across the countryside.